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Q: I struggle every year when Thanksgiving approaches. I know I should be more grateful than I am; I just don't know how to get a better handle on it. Help?

Jim: Let's be honest -- we can all use more gratitude. The good news is that the answer is pretty straightforward. We just have to choose to be grateful.

That's what Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott said after reviewing a mountain of research about gratitude spanning 15 years. They determined that happiness has much more to do with our choices than with our circumstances. We can control the shape of our own happiness by choosing gratitude.

That might surprise a lot of people, but the research backs it up. The data shows that about 50% of our happiness is biological. That is, we each have a baseline of happiness that's natural to us. We'll swing a bit either way, but we generally come back to our set point. Then, roughly another 10% of happiness is due to our circumstances.

That leaves 40% -- close to half of our happiness -- as solely determined by where we focus our attention: on the positive or on the negative. The Wall Street Journal even pointed to studies that show adults who choose to feel grateful have more optimism, more energy and more social connections (all of which are contributors to happiness) than those who don't. These people are also less likely to be depressed, envious or greedy. They sleep more soundly, earn more money, exercise more regularly and are sick less often.

Gratitude is key to a happy life -- and it's right there for the taking. You just have to choose to see it. That starts with focusing on (and appreciating) what you do have instead of lamenting what you don't.

Q: Out of curiosity, what would you say is the single most important character trait I can teach my kids?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: I hear this question a lot, and my answer might surprise you. I believe that humility is the characteristic that forms the basis of all other healthy relational traits in the life of a well-adjusted, connected and genuinely loving child.

A humble person cares about people around them regardless of race, sex or socioeconomic status. The word "humility" itself comes from the word "humus"; gardeners know that humus is necessary for deep-rooted growth in plants.

Humility leads a child toward becoming a contributor, rather than a consumer, as they grow and mature. Here are seven quick tips:

1. Foster a culture of listening first. People crave to be known. Help your kids learn to be slow to speak and quick to listen to others.

2. Learn to exercise and grow in empathy toward others. A key to being genuinely relational is developing an ability to see value and worth in others.

3. Develop a mindset that sees invitations rather than inconveniences. Opportunities to engage and serve others can be embraced as invitations rather than dreaded as inconveniences.

4. Practice a culture of gratitude. Prioritize a household habit to identify and intentionally talk about what you're thankful for.

5. Model and encourage a culture of respect. Notice and respect each person's unique ideas, emotions and interests.

6. Fuel others through words of encouragement. Words can be life-giving; consistently model genuine encouragement to your children and other people.

7. Celebrate opportunities to serve. Identify ways to serve within your family as well as in your neighborhood, school or community.

Learning humility will help your child develop in many other areas of their character and relationships. For more, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting.

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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Copyright 2025 Focus On The Family. (This feature may not by reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission of Focus on the Family.)

COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.