Writing an online dating profile can be daunting, and it’s out of a lot of people’s comfort zones. We’re taught not to brag, but isn’t that what online dating is — a chance to showcase who you are? Yes and no.

Talking about yourself is hard — your hobbies and interests and a little background at a minimum. Plus elements of your personality. Be yourself but be the best version of yourself. All within a limited amount of space!

As someone who writes and reads bios on dating websites and apps for my job, I’ve seen the best of the best … and the worst of the worst. A good profile gives the reader a small glimpse into you (not your life story … just a few unique tidbits) and makes them want to learn more. But just one element that rubs someone the wrong way will result in an automatic swipe left. Here’s what to avoid including in your profile at all costs:

Negativity

To all the people who are “saving everyone time” by listing all the things they are not looking for in a partner, please reconsider because it’s actually having the opposite impact. All I see when I read that is someone who is bitter … and who wants to date someone like that? We all have a past, but your dating profile is not the space to dwell on what hasn’t worked before either in relationships (please don’t talk about your ex!) or in bad experiences with online dating. The number of profiles I’ve read that say, “I hate online dating,” is, well, too many. Don’t put down the very tool you’re using to meet someone.

There’s always a way to put a positive spin on what you’re trying to say. Instead of, “I’m not looking for a hookup” (and, let’s be serious, the only word people see there is “hookup”), perhaps write, “I’m looking for a relationship.” A small change makes all the difference.

Demands

We read profiles all the time where someone essentially proscribes their ideal partner. No one wants to be told how to look or how to act. Even if you fit someone’s description perfectly, it’s a turn-off to most.

For example, instead of writing something rude such as, “I am not interested in lazy people who aren’t active,” (it’s both negative and prescriptive … a double whammy) try this: “I’m someone who stays active with biking and hiking, and it would be great to find someone who shares similar interests.” Not only are you conveying information about yourself and what you hope to find in a relationship, but you come off much more pleasant and positive.

Anything inappropriate

You’re making a first impression. Even if you have a “dirty” sense of humor or don’t want to pursue a relationship that doesn’t have a physical element to it, your bio is not the place for it. It can easily make the reader feel uncomfortable and leave your profile immediately, even if they do find that you have things in common. Keep the potty mouth for your friends.

A good dating profile requires thought and effort. You might be perfect for someone, but if you don’t express yourself well in the bio, they will never know it or be willing to give you that chance. Keep things positive and appropriate … and for goodness sake, don’t write it in ALL CAPS. Or a long string of emojis for someone to decipher. Be you. Be positive. And be thoughtful.

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