ArcaMax

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.

"The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!"

An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV!"

On a rainy Monday, I slid into a seat at Cracker Barrel. The chain's new, doomed logo dotted flatware sleeves, the only sign of its widely mocked brand overhaul.

For the astonishingly low price of $10, I got a hefty bowl of chicken and dumplings with green beans and a basket of hot biscuits. In this economy? I hoovered it among the kitschy ...Read more

There was a time when I was a world-class sleeper. I would go to bed at midnight and wouldn't emerge from my darkened cave until noon the next day. Alarms couldn't wake me up. Firetrucks couldn't wake me up. If there were an Olympic event for sleeping, I would have won the gold. I am sleep woman. Hear me snore.

That was all, of course, before I...Read more

Trying to keep up with the pace of innovation these days feels fruitless. Recent concerns range from "will a sentient hologram steal my job?" to "are digital fashion influencers laughing at my ankle socks?" I do not know either answer.

What I do know is that I've decided to stop worrying so much. Evidence is mounting that society will adjust ...Read more

If I'd had any choice in the matter, I certainly wouldn't have planned to have two kids' and my husband's birthdays only weeks apart. The first two just kind of worked out that way. The third was completely out of my control.

The problem with all these occasions has nothing to do with gifts or parties.

It's about the cake. Or, more ...Read more

When I was 16 and applying for my driver's license, I had to provide my height. No one was behind me with a measuring tape, so I slipped an extra inch onto the form, cementing my official frame at 5-foot-1. That inch, even just on paper, pushed me closer to Jennifer Aniston's height of 5 feet, 6 inches, a factoid I'd read in my mom's "People" ...Read more

When we lived in the suburbs, my dog had a squirrel obsession.

He would routinely sit by the deck door watching the backyard for squirrels like a guard at Buckingham Palace. Neither sleep nor hunger nor the sound of a killer Roomba approaching would tear him from his post, unless, of course, he heard the sound of food accidentally dropping on...Read more

Hey, this is just a quick reminder about how dumb things have gotten.

In what way? Well, take your pick. Today let's zoom in on Florida's bobo version of DOGE through which officials are auditing the state's counties and cities with a fine-tooth comb. You know, a small government, laissez-faire activity.

Florida's Chief Financial Officer ...Read more

"What do you think this is?" my husband, pointing to his elbow, asked me.

"That's your elbow," I stated matter-of-factly.

"No, these red spots," he responded.

"Those are red spots," I replied.

He sighed. "I know they're red spots. What do you think they're from?"

I took a closer look at the constellation of red bumps on his forearm just ...Read more

Thank you so much for sitting down with me today, famed French microbiologist Louis Pasteur.

Oui. What is zees about? I am dead.

Yes, I know. I appreciate you making time in your, uh, schedule. The thing is, we are living in strange times here above the ground, and it's important to go straight to the source for ...Read more

This time last year, I struggled with my New Year's resolution to go to the gym.

This year I have made significant progress. I am going to the gym on a semiregular basis. And by "semiregular," I mean that I go often enough that I actually remember where it's located between visits.

The bad news, however, is that my workouts are just -- how ...Read more

It's another bustling week in these United States. I've taken the liberty of rounding up quick, easy recipe ideas to soften the grind of work, kids, bills and the unremitting despair of cognitive dissonance in the face of a 24-hour news cycle. Besides, everyone loves Trader Joe's!

Shaved steak and noodles: Combine thin-sliced beef with Thai ...Read more

I was in mid-eyelash when I heard a knock on the door.

"Can I use the bathroom?" my husband asked through the door.

"No." I replied.

"No?"

"No."

"Why?" he wondered aloud.

"I'm putting on my mascara, and I'm mid-eyelash. You can't interrupt me in the middle of the process."

"Why?"

"It'll mess the whole thing up. The mascara will dry, ...Read more