Pirate Blackbeard's ship license had expired so he went into the shipping license office and got a new one, but on the new one he needed an updated photo of himself.

So, Pirate Blackbeard went into the photographer's room and asked to have his photo taken. The photographer obliged and said, "Ok, please pose front on" and took a photo.

He need ...Read more

1. Pays better than fast food, though the hours aren't as good.

2. Fashionable shoes & sexy white uniforms.

3. Needles: It's better to give than to receive.

4. Reassure your patients that all bleeding stops eventually.

5. Expose yourself to rare, exotic, & exciting new diseases.

6. Interesting aromas.

7. Courteous & infallible doctors who ...Read more

- Do you think sheep know when you're pulling the wool over their eyes?
- Does the person who inventories sheep often fall asleep on the job?
- If a pig is sold to the pawn shop is it then called a ham-hock?
- If we make sweaters out of a sheep's hair, what do the sheep use to make sweaters?
- If you can't make a silk ...Read more

I do not think -- therefore I am not.

Here is the illustration of this principle:

One evening Rene Descartes went to relax at a local tavern. The tender approached and said, "Ah, good evening Monsieur Descartes! Shall I serve you the usual drink?".

Descartes replied, "I think not.", and promptly vanished.

Why don't elephants like playing cards in the jungle?
Because of all the cheetahs!

What do you call a elephant that never washes?
A smellyphant!

Teacher: "Where would you find an elephant?"
Pupil:"You don't have to find them, they're too big to lose!"

What do you call an elephant with a carrot in each ear?
Anything you...Read more

The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."

A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the ...Read more

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "Woo hoo! What a ride!"

Astronomers were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang.

Apparently, that sound was "Uh oh."

Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed him. "She spent every night at the front door, waiting for you to come home," she said.

"What an example of devotion," Dave replied. "I wonder if you'd be that concerned about me?"

"Honey," she answered, "if you were gone overnight, and ...Read more

Well now, you see it's like this....

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the rear that are killed. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because only the fittest survive thus improving the general health and speed of the entire herd. ...Read more