Humor

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Entertainment

Basic Rules for Dogs Who Have a Yard To Protect

Humor / Jokes /

NEWSPAPERS: If you have to go to the bathroom while playing in the front yard, always use the newspaper that's placed in the driveway every morning for that purpose.

VISITORS: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and starts...Read more

Dangerous Dihydrogen Monoxide

Humor / Jokes /

Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive ...Read more

Yet Another Pirate Joke

Humor / Jokes /

What's a pirate's favorite branch of the military?

The Arrrmy... no, the Navy, he's a pirate!

Pirate Joke

Humor / Jokes /

Where do pirates dream of raiding?

Parrrrradise!

Some Vague Thoughts

Humor / Jokes /

Vanity Plates seen on a Mercedes Benz in California - WAS HIS

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills - Making the last car payment.

The trouble with Sunday drivers is, they don't drive any better during the week.

If you can't keep a secret, you don't need to know it.

Quote from the boss: "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I ...Read more

Greta Lee Wants to Rip Jodie Turner-Smith's Clothes Off 😳 The Graham Norton Show | BBC America

Humor / Jokes /

The Taylor Swift method of singing while running on a treadmill didn't work for Greta Lee (Tron: Ares), but she still managed to find a way to have abs for the first time ever!

Sen. Bernie Sanders - Harnessing Energy From "No Kings" Rally to "Fight Oligarchy" | The Daily Show

Humor / Jokes /

“It’s got to be a bottom-on-up revolution, not a top-down.” Senator Bernie Sanders sits down with Jon Stewart to discuss his latest book, "Fight Oligarchy." They talk about harnessing the energy of the "No Kings" rallies to build a clear vision for the Democratic party, prioritizing universal healthcare and affordable housing expansion, ...Read more

First Lady Melania Trump Is Getting More Comfortable In The Spotlight

Humor / Jokes /

America's notoriously private First Lady has been popping up everywhere lately. Here to explain her sudden surge in visibility is Mrs. Melania Trump herself! Thanks as always to our dear friend Laura Benanti, for no particular reason.

Kirsten Dunst Gave Jesse Plemons Hair Advice for His Bugonia Role

Humor / Jokes /

Jesse Plemons talks about his grandmother having a shrine of him in her antique store, him and Kirsten Dunst's kids being unimpressed with their Like Mike and Spider-Man roles and working with Emma Stone and Aiden Delbis in the film Bugonia.

Oscar Issac Performs His Six-Year-Old’s Original Song

Humor / Jokes /

Oscar Isaac talks about starring in Guillermo del Toro's Frankenstein and working with Jacob Elordi on the movie, then performs "Damn Tour," a song he co-wrote with his son for their band, Fleece.

You Think I'm the Beast? - Saturday Night Live

Humor / Jokes /

The Beauty and the Beast realize beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Aired 10/17/09

Expressions For High Stress Days, part 9

Humor / Jokes /

Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

Okay, okay, I take it back! UnFreak you!

Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.

Continued below...

Diagnosis

Humor / Jokes /

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear ...Read more

Too Much Analysis

Humor / Jokes /

Two psychiatrists were walking down a hall.

One turned to the other and said, “Hello.”

The other one thought, “I wonder what he meant by that?”

It's All in the Nomenclature

Humor / Jokes /

Why engineers don't write recipe books.

Chocolate Chip Cookies:

Ingredients:

1.) 532.35 cm3 gluten
2.) 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3.) 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4.) 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5.) 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6.) 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7.) 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of ...Read more

Twelve Shots

Humor / Jokes /

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.

The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."

The bartender says, "What do you have?"

The guy says, "Seventy-five cents."

Oscar Isaac Talks Frankenstein and Working with Jacob Elordi, Performs His 6-Year-Old Son's Song

Humor / Jokes /

Oscar Isaac talks about starring in Guillermo del Toro's Frankenstein and working with Jacob Elordi on the movie, then performs "Damn Tour," a song he co-wrote with his son for their band, Fleece.

Minooka, Illinois Community Calendar with Nick Offerman

Humor / Jokes /

Native Minookan Nick Offerman joins Stephen Colbert to promote some upcoming events in his Illinois hometown.

Maya Rudolph on Her Love of Madonna, Living with Teenagers & Henry Winkler’s Naked Cameo on Loot

Humor / Jokes /

Maya talks about idolizing Madonna, going to her Blond Ambition Tour in 1990 and being quoted for an LA Times article as a teenager, her teenagers giving her a hard time, whatever 6 - 7 is, her show “Loot” on Apple TV, and Henry Winkler making a naked cameo.

Late Night with Seth Meyers Audience Q&A: The Sea Captain

Humor / Jokes /

During a Q&A session with the Late Night audience, Seth shares how he came up with the Sea Captain character while filming Late Night from home during COVID.

 

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