A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber ...Read more

The little girl went to church for the first time. As she was leaving with her parents, the minister asked how she had liked church.

"I liked the music," she replied, "but the commercial was too long."

A teacher at a school for blind kids is taking his school's soccer team to an "away game". They stop for a rest break, and to let the kids work off some energy with a little impromptu practice in a nearby pasture. The teacher is sitting in a nearby diner, explaining to another patron how it is that blind kids can play soccer.

"We made a special...Read more

Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too.

"Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something ... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."

After the third hunter left, the two decided to ...Read more

-- Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too.

-- Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day.

-- That outfit isn't sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse.

-- Why don't you hitchhike? It would totally be cheaper.

-- The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around ...Read more

Q: How long is the average woman in labor?
A: Whatever she says divided by two.

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you...Read more

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.

Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
...Read more

The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly."

On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"

"Yes," the boy's mother answered.

"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.

"Who cares?" the ...Read more

Why did cavemen draw pictures of hippopotamuses and rhinoceroses on their walls?
Because they couldn't spell their names!

What is the noisiest game?
Squash - because you can't play it without raising a racquet!

Where do flies go in winter?
To the glass foundry to be turned into bluebottles!

Why did the king go to the ...Read more

Volvo has unveiled an auto designed by dummies for dummies called the YCC, 'Your Concept Car.' Among its cutting-edge dummmifeatures:

-- Turn signals that are able to change their mind at the last minute.

-- An OnStar satellite tracking system that can locate, on command, all retail outlets within 500 miles

-- Permanent press fenders.

-- A ...Read more

- Man who stand on toilet high on pot.

- Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

- He who eats too many prunes, sits on potty many moons.

- Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.

- Man who make love to girl on hill...he not on level.

- Honeymoon over when man who whispered sweet nothings before now say nothing sweet...Read more

Part of my job as a public-health nurse is teaching new parents how to care for their infants.

As I was demonstrating how to wrap a newborn, a young Asian couple turned to me and said, "You mean we should wrap the baby like an egg roll?"

"Yes," I replied, "That is a good analogy."

"I don't know how to make egg rolls," another mother said ...Read more

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After ...Read more

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens.

On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens."

"How did you know that?" his mother asked.

"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, "All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine."

The jockey thinks the ...Read more