Humor

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Entertainment

Church Cake!

Humor / Jokes /

Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this -- especially all the ladies who bake for church events

Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies' group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.

She baked an angel food cake and when she took it from the oven, the center had dropped flat.

She said, "Oh dear, ...Read more

Science

Humor / Jokes /

Scientists have shown that the moon is moving away at a tiny, although measurable distance from the earth every year.

If you do the math, you can calculate that 85 million years ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a distance about 35 feet from the earth's surface.

This would explain the death of the dinosaurs - the tallest ones, anyway.

Flight Time

Humor / Jokes /

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"

The agent replies, "Just a minute..."

"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.

Wisdom, from Seniors...

Humor / Jokes /

-- The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

-- The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.

-- The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

-- Amazing! You hang something in your ...Read more

The Wall

Humor / Jokes /

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.

They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then finally dies. A ...Read more

Mom's Time Out

Humor / Jokes /

My Parents had not been out together in quite some time.

One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father stepped up behind her.

"Would you like to go out, girl?" he asked.

Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, "Oh, yes, I'd love to!"

They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until the end of it that Dad ...Read more

Get Better Soon

Humor / Jokes /

A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients' bedsides.

When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you get better."

One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get better,...Read more

Graphing

Humor / Jokes /

A student at our high school a few years back, having had his fill with drawing graph after graph in senior high math class, told his teacher, "I'll do algebra, I'll do trig, and I'll even do statistics, but graphing is where I draw the line!"

Tidbits

Humor / Jokes /

"I filled out a rental application that asked, 'Do you own any liquid-filled furniture?' Couldn't they just have said 'waterbed'? How many other forms of liquid-filled furniture are there? 'Yeah, I have a beer couch, will that be a problem?'" --Lisa Goich

---

"Kids? It's like living with homeless people. They're cute but they just chase you ...Read more

Back then...

Humor / Jokes /

...A computer was something on TV from a science fiction show, a window was something you hated to clean, and ram was the cousin of a goat.

Meg was the name of my girlfriend, and gig was something you did on stage for money; now they all mean different things and that really mega bytes.

An application was for employment, a program was a TV ...Read more

Word Processer

Humor / Jokes /

Q: Have you heard about the lawyer's word processor?
A: No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.

Coming Home Drunk

Humor / Jokes /

A very drunk man turns up at his house at 6 o'clock in the morning with his hair and clothes dishevelled. His long suffering wife, who has been waiting up all night, shouts at him furiously, "I hope you have a good reason for getting home blind drunk at this time of the morning!"

"Yes," replied the man, "I'd like some breakfast!"

Wife Was Mad at Me

Humor / Jokes /

Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.

One signs to the other, 'Boy was my wife mad at me last night. She went on and on and wouldn't stop!'

The other Buddy says, 'When my wife goes off on me I just don't listen.'

'How do you do that?' says the other.

'It's easy! I turn off the light!'

Plea

Humor / Jokes /

After a trial had been going on for three days, Finley, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge's bench. "Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from 'innocent' to 'guilty' of the charges."

The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're guilty, why didn't you say so in the first place and save ...Read more

Drumming...

Humor / Jokes /

There was once a small boy who banged a drum all day and loved every moment of it. He would not be quiet, no matter what anyone else said or did. Various attempts were made to do something about the child.

One person told the boy that he would, if he continued to make so much noise, perforate his eardrums. This reasoning was too advanced...Read more

How Thunderbolts Should Have Ended

Humor / Jokes /

The Thunderbolts* HISHE. After the Void attacks New York, the Thunderbolts decide if they should be Avengers or not. An animated alternate ending to the movie Thunderbolts (or New Avengers)

Henry Winkler on Advice to College Grads, Meeting Timothée Chalamet & Jimmy Becoming a Grandfather

Humor / Jokes /

Henry talks about Jimmy becoming a grandfather, giving the commencement speech at Georgetown University, talking about empathy, his beef with the college paper at Yale, being pulled on stage by Neil Diamond in 1976, his new show Hazardous History with Henry Winkler that explains all the dangerous things kids used to play with, and meeting Timoth...Read more

Star Wars: The Force Awakens Teaser - SNL

Humor / Jokes /

In this teaser parody for Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Han Solo (Taran Killam), Chewbacca, Lando Calrissian (Kenan Thompson), Princess Leia (Bobby Moynihan) and Luke Skywalker (James Franco) face a new foe: old age. [Season 40, 2014]

Tom Cruise Dangles From Upside Down Plane in BTS of Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning

Humor / Jokes /

Tom Cruise talks about inviting The Weeknd to the premiere of Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning, continuing to outdo himself with his stunt performances and the level of physical training he endured for various stunts in Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning.

 

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