... continued from above

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." Really means...."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear." Really means...."Are you still talking?"

"It's a really good movie." Really means...."It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women."

"That's women's work." Really means...Read more

A man had tickets to Game Seven of the Stanley Cup Final right at center ice. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No," he says. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible" said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?"

"Well, actually,...Read more

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's numbing cream during root canal work?

He wanted to transcend dental medication!

"The only time you can't afford failure is the last time you try." --Charles Kettering

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"We don't have user-centricity. Until we understand context, which is way beyond presence--presence is the most trivial notion of context." --Bill Gates attempting to explain his company's .net initiative.

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"Boy there's a lot of changes in ...Read more

LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of power at the farthest point from the clubhouse.

LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar ...Read more

... continued from above

6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.

7) If you bite too hard the chocolate won't mind.

8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.

9) The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.

10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working ...Read more

Isn't it strange that a group of very intelligent individuals combined into a political party become collectively stupid?

I may not agree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death your right to shut up.

To feel good about yourself, is there a quota on how many other people each day you have to condemn?

Only in America would ...Read more

While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom.

With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," I said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down ...Read more

Well now, you see it's like this....

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the rear that are killed. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because only the fittest survive thus improving the general health and speed of the entire herd. ...Read more

Candace.

Candace who?

Candace be true?

If he had a brain, he'd be dangerous.

If he had another brain, it would be lonely.

If stupid were a talent, he would be considered gifted.

Isn't firing on all 6 cylinders.

Isn't firing on all thrusters.

Kangaroo loose in the top paddock.

Like a pair of children s scissors, bright and colorful, but not too sharp.

Million dollar body and a ...Read more

1. Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

2. Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

3. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

5. On...Read more