Darla had applied for a job and when she returned home, her mother asked how the interview went.

"Pretty good, I think," replied Darla, "but if I go to work there I won't get a vacation until I'm married."

Her mother, of course, had never heard of such a thing. "Is that what they told you?"

"No", replied Darla, "but right on the application ...Read more

Following a woman with a dog out of the movie theater, a man stopped her and said, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I was amazed that your dog seemed to get into the movie so much. He cried at the right spots, moved nervously at the boring spots, and laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Don't you find that unusual?"

"Yes," she replied. "I find ...Read more

Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school.

One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school. Did you manage to live a well planned life?"

"Yes," said her friend, "My first marriage was to a millionaire;
my second marriage was to an actor;
my third marriage was to a preacher;
and now I'm ...Read more

"I had the worst study habits in the history of college, until I found out what I was doing wrong -- highlighting with a black magic marker."

~ Jeff Altman

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"As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it."

~ Sam Ewing

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"Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just...Read more

Court Clears AOLTimeWarnerGEDisneyCiscoFordRJRNabiscoExxonMobil of Monopoly Charges

50-Year Study: Diet and Exercise Key to Weight Loss

Baby Conceived Naturally

It Wasn't the Cigarettes -- It Was the Ashtrays

Mother Monica Dies: Revered Hero of Bangkok Slums Overcame Lurid Past With US President

Florida to Be Readmitted to Union

Plague of...Read more

The visiting Bible school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class, "Who broke down the walls of Jericho?"

Little Johnny replies, "I dunno, but it wasn't me!"

The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny's lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident.

The principal replies, "I know Little Johnny ...Read more

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'"

During the course of a heated softball tournament, the coach felt the need to remind one of his players about the importance of team play and good sportsmanship.

The coach asked the player if he knew and remembered what good sportsmanship was.

The player replied, "Yes."

The coach then asked him if he knew he shouldn't curse at the umpire or ...Read more

- You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.

- Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.

- Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.

- Your company logo on your badge is applied with stick-um.

- You order your business cards in "half orders" instead of whole boxes.

- When someone asks about ...Read more

Just a line to say I'm living,
That I'm not among the dead.
Though I'm getting more forgetful
And more mixed up in the head.

For sometimes I can't remember,
When I stand at foot of stairs,
If I must go up for something,
Or if I've just come down from there.

And before the fridge so often
My poor mind is ...Read more

A State Police colleague of mine once received a call from a woman who asked him how to baste a turkey. After a stunned moment, he, being a fairly good cook, described the procedure.

Then he asked, "But why would you call the State Police to find out how to baste a turkey?"

There was only a slight hesitation before she replied, "Well, you knew...Read more

A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had lost a parrot. He said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted to know how the caller located him.

The called said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-1234. I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message at the...Read more

Q: What is the most breathless thing on television?
A: The Pink Panter Show!

Q: What do you get if you cross a leopard with a watchdog?
A: A terrified postman!

Q: When is a lion not a lion?
A: When he turns into his cage!

Q: What do cat actors say on stage?
A: Tabby or not tabby!

Q: What did the cat say when he lost ...Read more

Q: Why did the queen bee kick out all of the other bees?
A: Because they kept droning on and on!

Q: What do you call a bee born in May?
A: A maybe!

Q: What kind of bee can't be understood?
A: A mumble bee!

Q: Where do bees keep their money?
A: In a honey box!

Q: What TV station do bees watch?
A: Bee bee c one! ...Read more

I wanted to buy a CD player, but was completely perplexed by one model's promotional sign. So I called the salesclerk over and asked, "What does 'hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?"

He said, "That means that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal."

"In other words," I said...Read more