Taking the kids: Lessons learned when traveling with grown (or nearly grown) kids

I realized travel with my older daughter had changed irrevocably when we were hiking up Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania with Thomson Safaris.

For the uninitiated, it’s no easy trek to the roof of Africa – some 19,431 feet at the summit. While it doesn’t require technical climbing skills or gear, the altitude certainly is a challenge when climbing uphill six to eight miles a day through five climate zones, including a rain forest and ultimately an arctic zone, getting dustier and dirtier as the days go on.

For the first time, I realized my daughter Reggie, then 18 and newly graduated from high school, was leading and encouraging me, even unrolling my sleeping bag at the end of each exhausting day rather than me taking the lead. The guides had taken to calling me “Mama Reggie.”

I learned on that trip, and in the two decades since, that grown kids have a lot to show parents (and grandparents) when they travel together.

I’ve met parents and grown kids from everywhere on Caribbean cruises (Virgin Voyages, which limits passengers to those 18 and up, proving popular with parent-grown child duos), Regent cruises crossing the Atlantic, on Abercrombie and Kent expeditions to Antarctica and the Arctic, a Grand Canyon raft trip, Europe river cruises, Hawaii resorts and most recently chasing the Northern Lights up the Coast of Norway.

“We don’t have curfews anymore,” joked Brittany Nicolas, 25, traveling with her parents and sister from Australia. “We have a lot more rope to play with.”

For parents too. “When they were younger, we didn’t drink because of them,” said Brittany’s mom, Rebecca Wesson. “Now we can drink with them. It’s great!”

In fact, I was surprised on the Hurtigruten ship in Norway just how many families with grown kids were on board – from a 35-year-old Montana doctor with her parents from Virginia to a similarly aged woman from Seoul and her parents to several Australian families, including a family of five from Melbourne traveling with three plus-ones (two boyfriends and a friend for the youngest teen daughter.)

Kim Plummer, being treated for breast cancer, had always wanted to see the Northern Lights and figured this winter with optimum viewing forecast was a particularly good time for her family – husband Chris, daughters Polly, 21, Annabel, 19, and Phoebe, 16. Being able to bring a significant other (and a friend for Phoebe) was an extra carrot. This was the first time the Plummers invited their daughters to bring a plus one and that added greatly to everyone’s good time. That can always be a good bet, we have discovered.

A plus for the parents: As they have grown up, the girls learned to research destinations and in this case, Kim Plummer said, they researched each port. For example, Annabel Plummer was designated to find the best coffee shop in each place. In Bronnoysund, they mapped out a run around town in the snow and in Alesund, they climbed the 418 steps to the top of Aksla Mountain and then, based on the advice of the Expedition Team, were able to do a trail run in the forest afterward. In Stokmarknes, they found a sauna with a hole in the floor so you can jump in the icy sea when you get too hot. The parents gamely went along, though they laughed, and then bailed halfway up the mountain.

On board, the family would gather for meals and in the lounge for card games. “Just having quality time with my family is really nice,” said Polly Plummer, explaining that she goes to university in Canberra, a flight away from home.

It helps when there is the chance for families to split up for different activities, the Plummers said. That’s what Emilio Garcia Villoa, 18, did when he went for a moonlight snowshoe with a group from the ship without his parents and younger sister.

The Mexico City teen noted that seeing the Northern Lights was on his mom’s bucket list, not his, and a trip like this one required compromise. He explained that while there wasn’t nearly as much to do on board as there would be on a Caribbean cruise, he was glad for the chance to see such spectacular surroundings – the snow-covered villages and the fjords.

“I’m much more a fly-by-the-seat-of-my -pants traveler,” said Laura Stump, a physician in her 30s traveling with her parents from the United States.

The young woman traveling with her parents from Korea noted that it is common in their culture for young adults to take care of their parents, including on trips. On another trip, we met a Philadelphia family where the son, in his 40s, acknowledged he was along to help facilitate his elderly parents’ trip. He didn’t mind a bit, especially as he was their guest.

Certainly, it is up to each family to decide how to handle costs and to discuss in advance, just as you would when traveling with other adults. When my kids were in college and we invited their significant others, we just asked that they cover their flights. Now that they are grown and established in their careers, they enjoy treating us – not to an entire trip but meals or activities.

One Chicago mom and dad I know who met their son and his new wife in London insisted on paying the upcharge for the family to fly home on the same flight rather than having the young couple fly separately. “It was so much more convenient and less stressful,” she explained. They also chose activities all four would enjoy – soccer games and high tea among them.

These trips require compromise from parents too. On one memorable hike from Crested Butte, Colorado, to Aspen – an iconic strenuous 10-plus miles with spectacular mountain vistas and wildflowers – my younger daughter Mel insisted we use whatever provisions she had on hand rather than buy the sandwiches I would have preferred.

At one point, after an afternoon rainstorm, we were still several miles from Aspen when I tripped and fell in a creek and started crying. “You will get up and finish this hike with a smile on your face,” my daughter admonished me. And I did.

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(For more Taking the Kids, visit www.takingthekids.com and also follow TakingTheKids on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram where Eileen Ogintz welcomes your questions and comments. The fourth edition of The Kid’s Guide to New York City and the third edition of The Kid’s Guide to Washington D.C. are the latest in a series of 14 books for kid travelers published by Eileen.)