ArcaMax

SMALL GROUP RE: TEXT THREAD CONCERNING STRIKE ON HOUTHI REBELS IN YEMEN

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Waltz: Hi, team. Creating a new Signal thread for the small group about the text thread concerning the strike on Houthi rebels in Yemen. Please reply with your favorite emoji to show you're receiving.

Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard: <>

Vice President JD Vance: <>

Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth: <>

Homeland Security Advisor Stephen Miller: <>

CIA Director John Ratcliffe: <>

Waltz: Thank you. As you may have heard, recently the lying Jeffrey Goldberg, the fake news editor-in-chief of the failing Atlantic magazine somehow wound up on our previous text thread about the timing, weaponry, delivery methods and locations of U.S. attacks in Yemen. Let's work out our response to this issue, which, when you think about it, is not only not my fault but also not even really a problem.

Hegseth: I don't remember any texts. Did you send them after 5 p.m.? I'm off the clock at 5.

Miller: How did Goldberg even wind up in that chat?

Waltz: Look, we can sit here pointing fingers until the cows come home or we can focus on how to spin this to minimize damage.

Vance: Deny.

Waltz: The Atlantic released screen grabs of the messages.

Vance: They're not conservative media. Obviously, everything they report is false -- unless we agree with it.

Waltz: The White House already confirmed that the text thread was legit.

Vance: Why?

Waltz: Whatever the reason, it's not my fault.

Hegseth: NP. I'll just say there was nothing important in the convo, and that only women and minorities would think there was.

Ratcliffe: The headline of the Atlantic article is "The Trump Administration Accidentally Texted Me Its War Plans."

Hegseth: Whatever. I'll just say there were "attack plans" but no war plans. War? What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again ...

Vance: Perfect, and we can say that the texts were on a "secure" app and that they show how thoughtful and brilliant we were in discussing the attacks.

Waltz: You remember that you specifically argued for going against what Trump wanted to do, right?

Vance: Sounds like a good time for a trip to Greenland. Just say that we didn't really talk about anything top secret or classified.

Ratcliffe: Now the Atlantic says they're going to release the screen grabs of the texts showing the specific attack information.

Waltz: They can't do that! It's classified! Do they want to put our national security at risk?

Gabbard: This is awkward, Mike. I testified in a Congressional hearing that there was nothing classified in that conversation.

Hegseth: Buzzkill.

Waltz: We can get Trump to say he declassified the texts with his mind.

Miller: Trump wants to stay out of this until he decides whether he's going to throw someone under the bus for it.

RFK, Jr.: This was obviously an intentional leak by the administration to send a message to Europe that we're not going to be clearing out shipping lanes for anyone other than the Saudis. Also, the fluoride in the water has poisoned our brains and reduced our ability to discern between different contacts on our iPhones. And that's to say nothing of the fact that some of us are lizard people ...

Waltz: How did you get on this thread, Bobby?

<, Jr. has left the chat>>

Gabbard: Maybe we should admit the mistake and move on. We have more important things to focus on, like how Vladimir Putin is an unfairly maligned agent of peace democratically ruling over a country where journalists and opposition candidates just happen to fall out of windows, die of radiation poisoning and stab themselves in the back at a higher rate than in other countries.

Waltz: Guys, let's not give up just yet. Someone whose fault this was definitely NOT could wind up jobless. Why don't we just argue that the texts were "sensitive information" that wasn't secret?

Ratcliffe: Too late. They just released the screen grabs. Petey, start up the Fox News obfuscation machine!

Hegseth: <>

To learn more about Georgia Garvey, visit GeorgiaGarvey.com.

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