Drawing On Age-Old Advice To Battle Anxiety
Q: I really struggle with worrying about ... well, basically everything. I want to learn to better control my anxiety and keep a good perspective. Do you have any practical ideas?
Jim: I'll start by turning back the clock to a well-known author and speaker, Dale Carnegie. Although he died in 1955, his books and seminars continue to resonate worldwide. He's perhaps best known for his book "How to Win Friends and Influence People." But another of Carnegie's classic works, "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living", is a timeless and timely message for this anxious era.
Here are Dale Carnegie's seven rules to stop your vicious cycle of worry:
Number 1: Fill your mind with thoughts of peace, courage and hope. As a man thinks, so is he.
Number 2: Don't waste time trying to get even with an enemy. Let it go.
Number 3: Be grateful.
Number 4: Count your blessings. Never look at what you have lost -- look at what you have left.
Number 5: Be yourself -- don't imitate. If you do, the best you can ever hope to be is second best.
Number 6: Make the best of bad situations. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Number 7: Forget about yourself. When you are good to others, you are best to yourself.
Now let me include my own addendum -- a spiritual one -- to Carnegie's thoughts. A strong sense of peace comes in knowing that we're directly connected with something bigger than ourselves. And I believe that "something" is Someone: the Creator who uniquely designed me, knows everything I'll ever face and walks with me on my journey regardless of what comes along. I strongly encourage you to connect with Him, too. Our staff counselors would be happy to help; call 855-771-HELP (4357).
Q: My wife and I are both certain that we were "made for each other." Still, coming up on our third anniversary we're concerned about how much tension we feel over small differences that were fascinating before we got married. Is this normal?
Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: This is actually one of the most common questions I hear about marriage. Many (most?) of us can be perplexed how qualities we found attractive in our future spouse became so irritating once we tied the knot. Here's the thing to remember: "different" doesn't mean "wrong."
One of the toughest challenges for many newlyweds is accepting their spouse's personality. Dating couples are generally so busy trying to impress each other they overlook their beloved's little quirks. But once the honeymoon is over, those habits can quickly become irritating.
And that is where far too many couples make a mistake that's potentially fatal to their marriage. They allow their mate's personality to grate on their nerves. Left unchecked, resentment builds. And once resentment takes hold, a person's commitment to his or her relationship can quickly erode.
Obviously, I think there's a much better path. But it starts with developing the right attitude toward your spouse. It's where we commit to recognizing that "different" doesn't have to mean "wrong." Our personality is what makes us uniquely who we are -- and that's what drew you together, right? Not only can a marriage handle two unique individuals, it should actually thrive on them.
Admittedly, learning to accept your spouse's personality quirks may take some growth and patience on your part. But it's an important step in cultivating variety in your relationship. After all, variety is the spice of life -- and a little spice can go a long way toward helping both of you savor your marriage even more.
For tools and resources to build a strong marriage, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.
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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.
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