Shopping is better than sex. If you're not satisfied after shopping you can make an exchange for something you really like.

I like people who refuse to speak until they are ready to speak.

One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.

No nice men are good at getting taxis.

If only we'd stop trying to be happy we'd have a pretty good time.

The only aspect of our travels that is interesting to others is disaster.

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.

If you realize too acutely how valuable time is, you are too paralyzed to do anything.

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "check enclosed."

Have you ever taken something out of the clothes hamper because it had become, relatively, the cleanest thing?

My husband said he wanted to have a relationship with a redhead, so I dyed my hair.

Friendship is not possible between two women, one of whom is very well dressed.

If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters.

It is really asking too much of a woman to expect her to bring up her husband and her children too.

Getting along with men isn't what's truly important. The vital knowledge is how to get along with one man.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, "Get the hell off my property.''

Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.

Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of witnesses.

If you educate a man you educate a person, but if you educate a woman you educate a family.

In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty percent of publicity.