ArcaMax

Q: I am a Catholic woman who is engaged to be married this summer. My fiancé, who is divorced, does consider himself Catholic but is not practicing and never attends services with me. Several months ago, I approached one of the priests in my parish about our wedding and asked to have our services at a catering hall and to have it performed by a priest. I advised the priest that my fiancé was Catholic but not practicing. He then asked me if he had been baptized and I told him that he was. The priest then informed me that the ceremony must be performed in a church. I then advised him that my fiancé had been divorced and that I thought he could not re-marry in a church, he informed me that it could be discussed. All this leaves me with the chore of finding an officiant, possibly a justice of the peace, when my desire is to have a priest perform the ceremony.

I thought that since I am a documented parishioner of my parish, they wouldn't turn me away or at least discuss other options with me instead of giving me a flat out "NO". Now my question, was I informed correctly by my parish priest? Isn't it common now for many people to get married at offsite locations? Also, what are the stipulations, if any, of a person who is divorced, in getting married in a church? Any assistance you can provide would be much appreciated. -- (From J)

A: God! I wish Father Tom was not dead! Dear J, you need a priest not a rabbi to help you, but I will share with you what I have been taught. If what I tell you does not check out with a priest just tell him, “I should never have asked Rabbi Gellman!”

The priest you spoke to told you the truth of Catholic wedding practice. First of all, if your fiancé married and divorced a Catholic woman then he cannot be married by a priest in any place unless and until his previous marriage is officially annulled by the Church (or if she has died). Then, if the marriage is annulled, you two can indeed be married by a priest but generally only in your parish church.

I understand this Church practice. Marriage is a sacrament, and churches are places for sacraments. Catering halls are places for eating chopped liver on little crackers. However, some dioceses have loosened up a bit on the offsite wedding rules. The diocese of Montana and the diocese of Baltimore have begun in the past few years to authorize offsite weddings officiated at by clergy. So, unless you plan on a Montana/Baltimore move my advice is to get an annulment and then get married in your parish church. If this is too complicated for you and your guests here is an idea. Get married privately in the church and then have a renewal of vows ceremony in the catering hall for all your guests. That way you can have your sacrament and your chopped liver, too.

(Send ALL QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS to The God Squad via email at godsquadquestion@aol.com. Rabbi Gellman is the author of several books, including “Religion for Dummies,” co-written with Fr. Tom Hartman. Also, the new God Squad podcast is now available.)

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