As a man of many words, not all of which can be used in a family newspaper, I am delighted to announce that our special guest today is Prof. Ludwig Lingo, the noted linguistics expert and an ardent fighter of crimes against the English language.

JZ: Welcome, Prof. Lingo. What’s the good word?

LL: Beer.

JZ: What’s the bad word?

LL: Iconic.

JZ: Why is it a bad word?

LL: It’s not bad so much as it is annoying and overused. As a writer, you may have noticed that practically everyone and everything these days is described as being iconic.

JZ: Yes, I have noticed that. And I think it’s ironic.

LL: Why is iconic ironic?

JZ: Because it rhymes!

LL: Oh, brother.

JZ: What else is on your bad-word list?

LL: The phrase “going forward” and its equally evil twin, “moving forward.”

JZ: I’ve noticed that, too. It’s making the language go backward.

LL: It seems that no one can write or utter a sentence anymore without sticking “going forward” in there.

JZ: What if you’re talking about driving a car?

LL: Then “going forward” is perfectly appropriate. Unless, of course, you are in reverse.

JZ: Anything else you don’t like?

LL: Like.

JZ: Like what?

LL: Like “like.” Everyone says, “I was like … ” I can just imagine if Abraham Lincoln were giving the Gettysburg Address today: “Fourscore and, like, seven years ago … ”

JZ: Are there any other historical examples?

LL: Yes. During World War II, when Gen. Douglas MacArthur was leaving the Philippines, he famously said, “I shall return.”

JZ: What would he say today?

LL: “I shall circle back.”

JZ: I can imagine JFK’s inaugural address today: “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country — going forward.”

LL: Good one! You’re catching on.

JZ: How about a famous date in American history?

LL: July 4, 1776: The Declaration of Independence drops.

JZ: I guess nothing premieres or is released anymore. Instead, it drops. Now I don’t feel so bad because I’m always dropping things. What else gets your goat?

LL: G.O.A.T., which stands for Greatest Of All Time. Practically everyone is now described as the G.O.A.T. It has lost all meaning, just like BFF, Best Friend Forever. You can have only one best thing, whether it’s a friend or not. Now people have multiple BFFs.

JZ: At least they have friends.

LL: Yes, but I’m not one of them.

JZ: You are a genius.

LL: I know. The trouble is that everyone else seems to be one. Even if you do something ordinary, you are considered a genius.

JZ: Am I a genius?

LL: I should say not.

JZ: At least I have invited you to participate in this interview. It’s quite an event.

LL: What isn’t these days? There are no movies anymore. They are all movie events. The same with sales.

JZ: You mean they’re sales events?

LL: Exactly. Do you know what other word is overused?

JZ: What?

LL: Classic. Just like every person is a genius, everything is a classic.

JZ: Like a movie?

LL: You mean a movie event.

JZ: Sorry, I stand corrected.

LL: And if something isn’t a classic, it’s world-class.

JZ: My wife’s cooking is world-class.

LL: Invite me over for dinner and I’ll see.

JZ: You may have to eat your words.

LL: I have to go now. I don’t want to be late for my class.

JZ: What are you teaching?

LL: Remedial English to newspaper columnists.

JZ: Thank you for your time, Prof. Lingo. You are iconic.

LL: You are very welcome, Mr. Zezima. Have a nice day — going forward.

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