Co-Workers Suddenly Inviting Themselves Over
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just moved into a new home, and I wanted to keep that information private at the place where I am temporarily working. I'm not particularly close to anyone there. Several people are nice to me, but not to the point of being friends.
Well, word got out about my house, and now several people have invited themselves over or hinted as much. None of these people have ever socialized with me, so I find it odd and awkward that they would suddenly invite themselves.
I don't entertain anyway, but I know telling them that will not work. I'm just really bothered that they say, "You'll have to invite us over."
What would you do? I need a list of excuses!
GENTLE READER: No, you need only one: "I'm not planning anything." Or fewer than one, if that is possible: a strained smile and silence.
Miss Manners understands that people who have trouble saying no might be sorry to disappoint those who importune them. Or they may be cowed by the authority with which some people state their demands.
But to give a specific excuse is to admit that the matter is open for discussion.
You say you are busy? "Well, when will you be free?" they will ask.
You say that the house is not ready for visitors? "That's all right; we don't expect it to be in perfect shape."
You say you have guests coming? "We'd love to meet them."
And so on. If you don't supply material, they can't argue.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was visiting a dear friend's home a few days after her husband died. While I was there, her adult daughter arrived from out of town. I had not met her before.
We were introduced, and then I said, "I'm sorry for your loss."
She immediately said, "I hate it when people say that," and continued to complain about people always saying that.
What was I supposed to say in response? I was speechless.
GENTLE READER: Good. Because you wouldn't have wanted to upset your friend by offering double condolences -- for losing her husband, and also for having a rude daughter.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 64 years old. My mother insists that when I am offered another helping of food, it's rude for me to reply, "No, thank you, I'm full." She says I should just say "No, thank you" and leave it at that because no one wants to know whether I'm full.
If I say that I am full, she frowns and gives me a withering look. In fact, she gives me the same look when I just say "No, thank you" because she always thinks I'm going to add that I am full.
However, many of my other relatives regularly say that they are full! Is my mom right?
GENTLE READER: Always. And Miss Manners agrees that picturing your full stomach has a bad effect on other people's appetites.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN
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