ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When hosting a cocktail hour, how does the hostess gracefully navigate the quantity of food served? For example, if the cheese platter is reduced to a few bites, should the hostess be constantly monitoring and replenishing it, even if the planned "hour" has passed?

I certainly don't want to appear stingy with guests. But bringing out more food seems to encourage lingering and drifting into dinner time and beyond.

I was taught that as a guest, I should not take the last piece of anything -- crackers, nuts, candy or cheese. Is that still the case? It seems to me that empty platters should signal that it's time to say "thanks and goodbye." But does it appear churlish to leave the bowls and platters empty?

GENTLE READER: Fill or clear any empty receptacle, in which category Miss Manners includes the guests.

So if Uncle Lance is lingering by the dessert table, hoping for something more, swoop him up and introduce him to any available guest in the next room. Eventually the table will be empty and the guests will get the idea and go home.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am currently being treated for a medical problem. The issue is expected to fully resolve in time, but it is temporarily forcing me to work part-time, and prevents me from participating in certain activities that are standard in my line of work.

I therefore have to explain to clients and others that my current availability is limited. I usually give them an abbreviated version of the reason, just so they know that I'm not making something up to avoid doing the work, or to give myself more time to get it done.

Most people just sympathize and wish me a speedy recovery, which is fine. But some interject very religious wishes for me, such as assuring me that "The good Lord is looking out for you and will take care of you for a full recovery."

This makes me uncomfortable -- first because I don't appreciate inserting religious beliefs into business transactions in general, and second because I do not subscribe to the same religion as the person making this statement.

I know that people who say this mean well, so I usually just say "Thank you" and try to move quickly to another topic. Is there a graceful way to discourage these comments?

GENTLE READER: Here is a perhaps-novel way to discourage people from introducing their personal beliefs into professional dealings: Don't you do it first. This includes stating your belief that your explanations may not be believed.

Rather than abbreviate your medical diagnosis, omit it entirely. You can stop talking after saying, "I have a medical condition that temporarily requires me to work part-time," and Miss Manners thinks you have every chance of being taken at your word.

She cannot promise an instant recovery for the current pandemic of Too Much Information: You may still have to say "thank you" from religious well-wishers and move on. But it is a start.

========

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN