Friend Has Odd Approach To Gift-Giving
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had an art show last summer, the week before my birthday. An old friend stopped by and purchased a very nice glass platter (over $150) for her daughter.
As she was paying for it, she told me that this sale was my birthday gift. I smiled and said "thank you." I didn't really know how to react.
Then at Christmas, as I opened her gift, she told me she'd decided to follow the same process with her sister: Purchase something from her, call the sale a gift, then give the item to someone else. I smiled and thanked her (and wondered what her sister thought).
It's so odd to me. I would rather not be given the gift of a sale. I think she feels that she's supporting me and my art. It also might be a way for her to cut back on spending, as she is giving two "gifts" for the price of one.
It might be time to stop giving presents. I'm just not sure how to tell her that her scheme doesn't feel like a gift.
GENTLE READER: With all of the demands and shenanigans associated with modern present-giving, Miss Manners is almost inclined to agree with you. The act has all but lost its charm.
You may try saying, "How kind of you to take an interest in my artwork. But I would never want you to purchase something merely as a favor if you would not otherwise do so. In that case, I am happier to sell it to a stranger."
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother's grown child is transitioning from female to male and is now called Gary. I love Gary and accept his choices. My brother is having a hard time. Gary has a toddler who calls him "Mum."
My question is: When I introduce Gary to someone, do I call him my nephew or my niece?
GENTLE READER: Why not ask Gary?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend's ex moved to our city and asked to stay with us for a week while renovations were being finished on her new apartment.
While she was here, I found broken drinking glasses in the garbage, twice, hidden under a paper towel. After the second time, I said it wasn't a big deal, but asked if she could let us know they were there so we wouldn't accidentally cut ourselves.
She was offended and complained to my boyfriend, who said it was rude of me to say anything. Could I have handled it better?
GENTLE READER: You handled both the situation and, luckily, the garbage, remarkably well.
Breaking things and hiding the evidence is not polite guest behavior. Miss Manners hopes you take some solace, however, in this woman making it obvious why she is your boyfriend's ex. She will leave it up to you to decide if his calling you rude and siding with her is worthy of making him your ex, too.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN
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