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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've been with my fiance for 16 years. I have a good relationship with his mother, though I wouldn't call us best friends.

We talk and get along well when we go to her house, but she and I don't spend time together on our own -- only when my partner and I go visit her. Her husband died six months ago, so we have been trying to spend more time with her.

Anyway, she's been asking me to call her "Mom." As I am extremely close to my own mother, I'm just not comfortable with this. For now, I pretty much never call her anything! I just hug her and say, "Hi! How've you been?" without ever using a name, but it's a little awkward, as you can imagine.

I am just not willing to call anyone else "Mom." It would feel like an insult to my own mother. But explaining my reasoning to my partner's mother would offend her. She isn't the type of woman to let me address her by her first name, so what else could I call her?

GENTLE READER: Blame your mother. Moms are used to taking the fall for their children, and if you are as close as you say, yours will likely be willing. Miss Manners suggests you say something like, "I am worried that it might upset my mom if I call someone else that, but let's think of another name that will suit you and our relationship."

Just make sure that you prepare your actual mom to corroborate the story the next time the two of them meet.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am throwing a 50th birthday party for my spouse that will include lunch, games and an open bar, which I'm paying for. (The open bar is a surprise for guests!) I've saved up for this party, and for the large gift I purchased: a nice, but not too extravagant, musical instrument. I am very excited.

While talking to a family member, they told me I should not give my spouse their gift at the party because it would be showboating. Is it in poor taste to present a gift I'm proud to give my spouse at their party?

GENTLE READER: Doing so, and touting the open bar as a surprise, do betray some grandstanding -- drawing attention to how wonderful a host and spouse you are, rather than to the honoree. Rather, Miss Manners suggests giving the present to your spouse just before the party -- and letting them do the bragging on your behalf.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a preferred dinner party guest who can't seem to stop himself from imposing a sales pitch on the party host (me). I'm not interested in the product! How can I politely shut off the sales pitch?

GENTLE READER: And why exactly is this guest preferred?

Miss Manners considers it the height of poor dinner guest behavior to solicit business. She suggests that next time he starts up, you cut him off by saying, "Howard, we've invited you over to socialize, not to help you drum up sales. Now, how is that adorable puppy of yours?"

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN