ArcaMax

Dear Annie: My 23-year-old son graduated from college two years ago and has been unemployed ever since. He earned a degree in a competitive field but has not had any luck landing a job in his chosen profession. While we understand that finding the right opportunity can take time, we are growing increasingly concerned.

He refuses to consider any kind of job outside of his intended career path, insisting that if he takes something "beneath him," he will get stuck and never leave. We have tried reasoning with him, encouraging him to gain experience, even if it is unrelated, to avoid having a completely blank resume. We have offered suggestions, networking opportunities and moral support, but he will not budge.

He still lives at home, which we do not mind, within reason, but the money he saved while working part time in college is running out fast. It is frustrating to watch him stagnate while the months go by. He says he is waiting for the "right fit," but we worry he is letting pride or fear hold him back.

How do we help him see that some kind of work, any work, is better than no work at all? And how do we support him without enabling this pattern? I admire your insight and would truly appreciate any words of wisdom for both him and us. -- Worried Parents in Limbo

Dear Worried: You are right to be concerned. A two-year gap on a resume, especially in those early post-grad years, can be hard to explain later. While it is admirable that your son wants to pursue work in his chosen field, his refusal to take any job in the meantime is shortsighted and, frankly, self-sabotaging.

Work is more than a title. It teaches discipline, builds character and often leads to unexpected opportunities. No one's first job out of college defines their entire future. What does shape the future is sitting at home waiting for perfection. That is not strategy; it is fear wearing a mask of pride.

Let your son know that while you love him, the time for passivity has passed. He needs to contribute, either by working, volunteering, interning or even pursuing additional training. And if his savings are dwindling, it may be time to start charging rent -- not as punishment, but to nudge him toward reality.

Sometimes, the most loving thing a parent can do is stop cushioning the fall.

========

"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.