ArcaMax

It's a question as old as time.

Which is a better indicator of your performance on the job -- a messy desk or a neat desk?

The messy-desk people say that mountains of papers and piles of junk show that you are 100% focused on your work and simply have no time for trivialities, like cleaning your desk or having a life. The neat-desk people insist that an uncluttered workspace reflects an uncluttered mind, an essential attribute for solving the complex problems of business today.

No matter how you come out on this timeless question, the beginning of a new year is the perfect time to make a statement by cleaning up -- or messing up -- your desk. That's the message I get from "How to Arrange Your Desk," a recent article in The New York Times by Megan O'Sullivan.

"In light of the new year and the urge, perhaps, to lead a more organized life," columnist Sullivan provides advice from several experts on "how to create a work space that's both inviting and inspiring."

While an inspiring desk might be a stretch, the experts do have plenty of ideas, like "decorative vessels" for keeping pens and pencils. (Remember pencils? Those were fun.) Or adding a stick of incense to "ignite your senses."

Unfortunately, in this case, this expert thinks these experts are wrong. You don't need to clean up your clutter. You need to pile it on. But you can be smart about it. As architectural designer Josh Itiola says, "Designating different areas of the desks for different kinds of work can boost productivity."

For me, this would be an area for goofing off, an area for gossiping and an area for napping. Your desktop map might be somewhat more work-focused. Here are five strategies you can use at the beginning of 2026 to ensure you'll still have a desk when 2026 comes to an end.

No. 1: Never Archive. Never Worry.

What to do with the materials you used to finish your last project? Josh Itiola recommends "neat, shallow piles, with the larger items at the bottom." Personally, I like messy mountains of documents, with the larger items at the top. This way, your piles are more likely to tip over, showering your desk with paper. Four or five inches of clutter covering your desk will silence your annoying young co-workers and their "helpful criticisms." Remember -- Gen-Z was raised digitally. Since birth, everything they have ever seen has been seen on a screen. Paper scares them silly.

No. 2: Tchotchkes Rule.

Your desk is the perfect venue for showing your individuality. Demonstrate your sentimental side with the mounted faux squirrel you bought from the Sky Mall catalog in 2017. Show your fun side with the tiny, wiggling tube man that you got from a secret Santa in 2023. Your lucky Labubu may not have brought you much luck on your last performance review, but hang another five or 15 on your laptop and everyone will know you are in touch with the powerful, psychic forces that rule our universe. And don't be afraid to show your school spirit with a collection of bobbleheads from your boss's favorite sports team. When the boss walks by, they -- and you -- can bobble your heads off.

No. 3: Fidgeting for Fun and Profit.

Fidget spinners, rollers and rings arranged on a giant pyramid of stress cubes indicate that you are just like management, counting the days until everything implodes. Sitting at your desk, fidgeting, may not save the business, but it could win you a place on the golden life raft when the ship finally goes down.

No. 4: Keep Them Guessing.

These days, where you sit is less important than where you stand, politically. Stay above the fray with a framed photo of Rutherford B. Hayes -- a politician everybody supports because nobody knows who he is.

No. 5: Thrifty is as Thrifty Does.

In business today, every dollar counts. Prove that you're responsible with a dollar by keeping that Coach Cignetti Chipotle bowl you didn't finish last Tuesday safely and hygienically tucked away under your desk blotter. It was good then and will be just as good two weeks from now. Yum!

Don't let yourself be limited to these five strategies for messing up your desk. Remember -- the goal is to build a mountain of mess on your desktop so high that nobody passing by will know you are sitting there.

It's our golden rule -- if they can't find you, they can't fire you.

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Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at info@creators.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Copyright 2026 Creators Syndicate, Inc.